Sunrise

Polo, The Coolest Cat Ever

2011-10-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

I didn’t have pets, I had a menagerie. A black menagerie of 2 black cats, Marco and Polo, and a black Lab, AJ, named after my children, Aaron and Jess, plus a queen tabby cat called Tigger. AJ came first in 1992 when my daughter was 7, my son, 5, and we lived in a big house in Lincoln Park. AJ enjoyed life as the only-dog until October 17, 1995, Jess’ 10th birthday. Running free at the in-law’s homestead in Ohio, AJ was in dog heaven. My son Aaron needed to mail a postcard depicting the local Amish life for a school assignment to make up for the days he missed making this trip. We hiked down the road with AJ to deposit the postcard in Grandpa’s roadside mailbox. Spotted 2 young-ish black cats coming up the road and watched, expecting them to high-tail it into the bushes. They continued to march towards us so AJ took off to meet them. They stood their ground, turning sideways like scary Halloween cats with fur standing on end looking like a matched set of dog-eating monsters standing tall on the tips of their extended claws. AJ barked and the cats leaped sideways, as cats will do, right up to his nose, hissing viciously. AJ froze trying to back away slowly from these obviously crazy, possibly rabid cats. When he retreated, the smaller of the pair greeted me cat style, brushing his arched back against my leg and raising his tail high to wink his butt and give me a sweet “meow.” These cats, not yet full-grown, followed us back to Grandpa’s where Aaron and I settled onto the wooden swing to watch the game of cats and dog that unfolded. AJ chased them back forth, up and down trees, never catching them. When he collapsed in exhaustion, the cats jumped up on our swinging laps. Then the smaller one jumped off my lap, marched boldly over to AJ and licked his ear. I knew I had to have him, but what about his brother? They were clearly a team, and winter was just around the corner. How could I take away his fearless leader, leaving him to fend for himself in the cold Ohio winter? And so I decided to take on these two stray crazy cats. After shots, neutering, partial declawing and ear mite treatments, my “free” cats cost me about $600. They were well worth it. The kids named them Marco and Polo after the hero-cats of some children’s story. The kids were beside themselves with joy but now I faced the reality of getting them home to Chicago and how to keep them from running away in the meantime. Made a trip to Wal-Mart for carriers, food, bowls and litter pans, to set them up temporarily in Uncle Tim’s garage. As I poured the litter Polo jumped right in and demonstrated how to use it. When he finished, Marco followed immediately after and since then they never once soiled in the house. Most cats are clean but these 2 were impeccable and their fur glistened. The owner of a boarding place we used once told me she never saw anything like them. The staff frequently let Polo roam the office just for the joy of him.
Marco and Polo looked a lot alike but their temperaments were completely different. , Polo, the smaller one, was very alert and gregarious, but he refused to become fully domesticated. Though well fed, he retained his hunting skills much to the dismay of the local chipmunks who understandably called him “the Terminator.” Marco, on the other hand would have preferred to tie on a bib and be spoon-fed his Friskies.
Polo ranged far and wide, traversing neighbors’ yards sometimes entering their houses to eat their pet’s food. Polo was clearly an alpha male. More than once, people mistook him for a stray - an expert at getting out of any collar - and set up a litter box and bed for him. But he always came back. He was known to go down a backyard slide with a kid down the block and once he even jumped into someone’s car. I feared he could easily take a one-way ride downtown one day and never be seen again. I told the kids “this cat is not likely to die in bed. We have to brace ourselves for the fact that his Type A personality is more likely to end up with tire tread across his back.” Marco, in contrast, found the trek from the front door around to the back to be all the exercise he ever needed. One walk around the block and he was ready to nap for the day. He once came home with a butterfly in his mouth, and we all agreed it must have been dead when he found it. Any critter Marco could catch was probably best removed from the gene pool.
Polo loved his brother Marco despite their opposite personalities. They would sleep so entwined, you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. But then every so often, they would wage this sibling battle completely out of character, fighting for several minutes, then separating, walking away and pretending it never happened.
When my husband and I decided to separate, we sold that house and I moved about a mile away. In the chaos of moving, Polo disappeared and was missing for over a week. I returned every day to call for him and alert the neighbors, but he was nowhere to be found. When I went back to the house to do a more thorough clean-up, I kept looking to the sliding glass door hoping to see Polo waiting to come in for supper. Then when I gathered up my buckets and brooms to return home, Polo came running out of nowhere brushing by me as if to say “where the hell have you been?” I couldn’t believe it. He was skinny and scruffy. I cannot imagine where he’d been hiding all that time. We were so thrilled to have him back. He stayed inside for several days and soon was back to his old roaming self.
When the kids were off to college, I had a lot of concerns about re-locating the menagerie to California in 2006, so I came out to reconnoiter and secure a place in advance of the move. I found the perfect little house to rent in Santa Monica with a small yard and no stairs for AJ as his hips were deteriorating. The house is on a corner near several schools and the black menagerie were a daily treat for lots and lots of kids – especially Polo who went out of the yard to greet passers-by.
AJ left us first, in 2008 at the age of 15. Then Marco died in 2010 with a crippling growth on his spine. Polo had little patience for them and their problems with aging. I think he rather enjoyed his year of being ONLY-pet for a while but he obviously missed his counterpart Marco and tried to snuggle with me as they had snuggled. He started making more and more trips down the block where many many cats reside, helping himself to their food and water and cozy spots.
Polo departed his gaunt and saggy fur bag at about 11:30 AM on October 11, 2011. I walked into the treatment room where his arthritis was first diagnosed as his downward spiral began. The table was draped with a blanket of brightest green – my green. And the attendant had applied a neon green bandage to hold the catheter. Thank You Spirit. The attendant looked at me in my green-ness said “I didn’t know... I just grabbed….” Well WE knew. Dr. Fitzpatrick took one look at Polo and said “It’s time. This is the right thing.” I know. His spirit says “It’s OK.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you dearest Polo for a grand tour of this life. For showing how to live fearlessly and fully. Polo, I love you so much and I miss you already. Getting that I’ve been missing you for quite some time now as you were slowly but surely detaching from that body. I’d told him long ago he would have to be very clear at the end because I would never want to part with him. I’d had the experience of seeing AJ and Marco’s spirits in restored bodies immediately after their release. And then again, after leaving the vet with the empty carrier, before I even reached the parking lot, Polo’s Spirit soared past my head chasing and being chased by AJ and Marco, his precious friends. I truly think he owned me more than I ever owned him. Polo, you were truly a beneficial presence on this planet. You were one really cool cat!

Today's Sunrise Dawns over the Malibu Pier.

2010-08-18T10:50:00.000-07:00

Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. …Howard Aiken
6:47AM Starbucks Cross Creek Drifting to Mom’s death. Telling the story of….Now all I need is an audience. It’s a bright sunny potentially hot day. I left my jacket behind and picked up the summer parka. It’s about time. Yes the sunrise was almost too bright. Uh huh. But thankfully there were just enough fluffy clouds to display some magnificent colors.

Today's Sunrise Golden over the Malibu Pier

2010-08-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

The how’s are the domain of the Universe. It always knows the shortest, quickest, fastest, most harmonious way between you and your dream. …Mike Dooley
6:56AM Starbucks Cross Creek Almost missed the marine layer sweeping back over the rising sun. It was clear at the actual sunrise, too clear for a good shot. I was heading up to Point Dume but turned back as I drove into a thick fog. Even now it’s bright and sunny here and fogged in a Pepperdine. So anyways it made for a great shot.
THINKING how am I gonna …which is about as interesting as telling about my Spider Solitaire Marathon. Got the win rate up the 18%. Woo hoo.

Today's Sunrise and a Seagull Soars over the Malibu Pier

2010-08-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?" … George Bernard Shaw
6:58AM Starbucks Cross Creek Oh yeah. Diffuse rays spread over the mountains. Never did see the sun directly – yet – but it left its bright trail of diamonds on the ocean. OK The same old same old. Only feeling I’m closer to reality than ever. And that is totally false. I can only ever be smack dab in the center of reality. No matter where mind wanders. I am only ever right here.

Today's Sun-Having-Risen Right Here in Santa Monica

2010-08-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. …Henry David Thoreau
Wondering if I’ll ever have another linear thought. Then seeing that this may well be the most linear I’ve ever been. Living straight out of all the fabulous images given by my dreams….better yet, living straight out of the heart. I celebrate a moment. I did it. I pushed Send and called John de Lancie and asked him about my movie. Told yoga teacher Bhavani how I conjured the moment of going into Wheel. The forgetting “I can’t.” Well not forgetting either. nor contradicting, denying…but leaving it be and being “oh yeah the wheel”, and so on up into it.
Haven’t gotten to writing sunrise yet. Sunrise-not that is. Mountains misty but there. Hope I caught a good wave shot. Seeing the peace I find there but that I don’t know as peace until now. Until I’m not there.

Today's Sunrise and Tribute to AJ, My Beloved Black Lab

2010-08-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

Dreams come true; without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them. … John Updike
6:23AM Starbucks Cross Creek Sunrise-NOT in a misty marine layer. Mountains obscured.
Remembering my beloved black lab AJ who was with me for 15 wonderful years. Thought today as the 3rd anniversary of his passing but find in my morning pages it was:
August 3, 2007 5:31AM I’ll put AJ to sleep today and so I write in bed. Knowing it may be too hard to write later – when Aaron comes with me to Point Dume and to Starbucks. I know my love for AJ doesn’t end today. I know and affirm that AJ goes on to the realm of the Divine. That his Spirit flows to his greatest yet to be. But first to finish this go around in this dimension, he couldn’t have done it better. The perfect dog, the perfect companion, friend to anyone who caught his gaze. And he doesn’t leave me, nor I, him. We are bound in a way I certainly can’t explain. I thank God for every single minute of AJ. And I welcome his transition out of that old broken body of his, yet I know I’ll be sad too. Soon enough. The finality of not having that fur to pet those ears to flap… this is life and life goes on. I pray for AJ’s transition to the Spirits beyond of Dad and Cheech, Lady and Toy and Fluffy – all the Saints who marched there before him. Let this day begin.
11:49AM AJ’s moved on. Already he told me it’s OK -in a vision of my puppy - my PaPoo – jumping about. AJ had a full morning at the sunrise and Starbuck’s and on to the summit up above Corral Canyon, where he braved lurking mountain lions. Then back to Santa Monica for one last walk around the block where I almost let him eat stuff but even so really couldn’t, though he did manage to cop a chew of something gross at Point Dume, so that’s good. We waited a while at the Vet. Aaron and I gave him a massive massage so he passed pillowed by tufts of his fur. Thank you God for the rebounding image of strong happy paws propelling AJ’s true Spirit in the AJ dance. I’ll never leave you, My Pet, and I know you’ll never leave me. We’ll meet each and every morning at sunrise, give or take a few minutes, mostly give, you know the drill. I’ll be seeing you in the dream realm as well. I love you always, AJ.

...and today's sun just emerged over in my own front yard where AJ spent many a day in Santa Monica.

Today's Sunrise in Sepia Tone over Malibu

2010-08-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

The Universe likes speed. Don’t delay, don’t second guess, don’t doubt. When the opportunity is there, when the impulse is there, when the intuitive nudge from within is there , ACT. That’s your job. …Joe Vitale
6:19AM PCH Waiting. Got the first NOT shots. I headed up to Point Dume but saw the marine layer thickening so I chose to come back here to the Malibu Pier for the dramatic emergence. Stopped at Starbucks and got my really good coffee. Oh oh oh, scripting John de Lancie. Want to write how do I do this, how how how. But but but don’t want to energize all that yadda. But morning pages are not for holding back. 6:26AM Oh crap. Surfer changing clothes right in front of me. Well I guess that’s the call to get out of the car. Aye aye aye. 6:46AM Starbucks Cross Creek. Then he didn’t even surf. Got half-dressed, board out, then put it all back. Maybe I made him as uncomfortable as he made me. Anyways the sunrise was grand. That mysterious sepia tone of sun emerging through fog.

Today's Sunrise Slippin' Through the Darkness in Malibu

2010-08-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

It's time to start living the life you've imagined. … Henry James Starbucks Cross Creek 6:21AM Downright dark today. No mountains in spots but then brightening breaks through in other spots. Maybe I should be writing at the Pier, waiting for it. Maybe I shouldn’t be writing at all. OK feels like really old Monday feelings. Not yet at a beginning. Or maybe it’s just the music. “Now “I Just Wanna Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself” comes on and the world brightens. The sun will be spectacular if it does break through. Those feelings may only dissolve as I go through them. Let the sun burn through as it always will. Don’t wallow in the illusion. See how bright it is over there by Pepperdine. Yeah I want to get on out there. 6:47 OK, there and back. The perfect out-picturing of mood. And so now seems even brighter than it is perhaps. And off towards Pepperdine one solid patch of brightened fog still thick enough to obscure the mountain. Cool.

Today's Sunrise-Not Marine Layer Engulfs Mountains

2010-07-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

The more we learn the more we know that we don’t know much.
6:13AM Starbucks Cross Creek About the darkest sunrise-not seen all this protracted marine layer season. June Gloom stretching clear through July. I don’t mind. the mountains beyond the window before me are engulfed. Unseen. I know they’re there as majestic as ever. When I pulled up there right on time at 6:03, the ocean was so still it was almost glassy. Much more like a lake – a really really big lake.

Today's Sunrise Triumphs in the Marine Layer over Malibu

2010-07-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what's next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little.
...Agnes DeMille
Oh oh oh oh and oh…one of those sunrises. Played hide and seek in the clouds. Must have taken 50 shots. Now to choose the best of. Nothing to do this weekend. Know God. Finish the movie tightening in my heart. Put a piece of my heart into it. Not the whole thing. A piece to whisper to hearts who come in its radar range! Do I need to make plans? Feel the need to give back, give back, and give some more. And receive what’s here and there for me too. Watched Morgan Freeman’s “Into the Worm Hole – Beyone the Darkness” or Beyond the Worm Hole – into the Darkness” Whatever. About this mysterious stuff that makes up most of everything. The more we Learn the more we know that we don’t know much.

Today's Sunrise Blazes Its Trail on the Ocean in Malibu

2010-07-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

There are only two ways to live your life: As if nothing is a miracle, or as if everything is a miracle. …Albert Einstein
Starbucks Trancas 6:56AM Bright bright blinding bright….came to Point Dume and arrived right on time. Caught Pat, shivering on her morning walk. It’s cold. She said she couldn’t bring herself to turn on the heat in July. Introduced me to Brian who I see reading the newspaper by the bluffs many mornings. She asked about the movie and I told them… re-writing. Brian told how Gene Roddenberry used to play ping pong at their house when his Dad worked with him on an early film, “Questar.” So, hey that’s like 2 degrees of separation.

Today's Sunrise in Wispy Clouds at Point Dume in Malibu

2010-07-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

Life is waiting for you to fulfill your destiny, your purpose… we are the ones we’ve been waiting for! … Linda Watson
6:45AM Starbucks Trancas Hey Wow. At so long last – a WOW. Bright and full with just the perfect splash of clouds. Had Point Dume all to myself. And there was only one lone pick-up truck at the Malibu Pier. Low tide and a low surf advisory I’m guessing. Sun rose 6:01 AM and I arrived just as it crested the mountains. Perfect. Walked in and went right up to the counter. Just one guy finishing his order ahead of me. By the time I fetched my two Splendas there were ten people in line. And that’s how that goes. When it’s your time, you go right up. But we must always be prepared to wait. Just wait for it. I, for one, am really good at that. Happy with my re-writing. Worried for the next step which I KNOW will be there when it’s there. So I see I don’t yet know that I know that.

Today's Sunrise-Not In a High Surf Advisory

2010-07-21T08:26:00.000-07:00

I want to write books that unlock the traffic jam in everybody's head…John Updike
6:20AM Starbucks Cross Creek Sunrise-NOT. Mountains about gone in the mist. Write NOW. Right now. Gotta report the pier and the high surf advisory bringing high waves & scads of surfers. See the YouTube video of them at www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIGprQOekqA
Spoke to one who was done already – at 6AM. Can’t imagine getting sucked out to sea in a rip current during the day let alone in the middle of the night. Didn’t bother him though. He said it was crowded. The leaf blower’s out there about to dust up the Saturn – so I guess I’ll just have to go for a car wash and get a chair massage by Dyan while I wait. Oh yeah. But that’s then. What happened to writing right now. The egrets in the tree outside? Even that was so 5 minutes ago. OK, here’s one now.
Photos of the sun's emergence will be posted at www.sunrisesunrise.com

Today's Sunrise-Not Mystifies Point Dume in Malibu

2010-07-20T09:43:00.000-07:00

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. …Albert Einstein
Starbucks Trancas 6:32 OMG Daryl loved the script and tells everyone. He passed it on. Loved it just as it is. OK. Solid sunrise-NOT & sitting inside because, well the table was open and it’s misting out there. Strong coffee needs more Splenda. Hey how can I write after being told how fabulous it is? That I captured reality & fantasy and mixed it just right. OK AND it’s Tuesday. Surf is go great PCH was parked up both sides of the street at the per. and I got the second to last spot at Point Dume. So yippee – in the mist. Movie: thinking about ERICA….Jenna Boyd from “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” would be perfect. and she played a Jessica (my daughter’s name) on “Criminal Minds” and her current project in post production is directed by a Darrel!

Today's Sunrise-Not from the Bluffs of Point Dume in Malibu

2010-07-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

If you talk about things you have not experienced, you are wasting your and other people’s time. As you continue the practice of looking deeply, you will see this more and more clearly, and you will save a lot of paper and publishing enterprises and have more time to enjoy your tea and live your daily life in mindfulness. … Thich Nhat Hahn
6:46AM Starbucks Malibu Colony Sunrise NOT. Went to Point Dume anyway, blessed the accident spot. Walked the loop and heard the fabulous surf roaring. Went back towards the Malibu Pier to wait for it and discovered Rafi and John here. Never ever saw Rafi down here. Came to check on John I bet. Nice. What’s interesting is coming to the one place I never see anyone and then people showing up. Ended up in line behind Jill, told her all about the state of “How to Find the Soul (Using Your Dirty Mind)” and she’s lit up.
M to JdL: I don’t know if I’m more afraid I’ll make a total fool of myself, or that I won’t – that I’ll be too cool.
Thinking I just need to get everyone in on the dream. That’s how it’s gonna go.

The day's sun-having-risen can be seen at sunrisesunrise.com

Today's Sunrise as a Seagull Soars in Malibu

2010-07-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls. …Joseph Campbell
6:35AM Malibu-Starbucks Cross Creek
Oh me oh my oh my, magnificent sunrise into an alluring array of clouds. Whoa must have taken 50 shots. I’d headed up to Point Dume but PCH was closed due to a bad accident with two fatalities, so I turned back for the perfect vista at the Malibu Pier. No news yesterday but then I’m still processing the old news. OK Like now looking at what to take out to create a fantasy
Movie: Take out Jon Marks, make him a fantasy. Everyone defers to him un-seen. His wife stands in.
OK fear fires up that I’ve heard all I’m going to hear from John deLancie. And maybe never mind…have it that the script does its magic as it is infused with Spirit. That same Spirit that got him to read it at last. That One….OK. Anyway. Now’s time to do the work.

Today's Sunrise After John deLancie's Notes

2010-07-15T11:57:00.000-07:00

I have so many demons and voices telling what a fraud I am and how my meager talent will be uncovered. Scripts have to be pried from my cold, dead hands before I let anyone read them . …Scott Frank
6:48 AM Starbucks Malibu -Cross Creek Ooo it’s cool in here. Warming quickly outside – in the bright clear sunrise so very welcome after the extended stay of June gloom. Got a great shot off the Malibu pier. Ohhh Thank You Spirit – John deLancie left me a great message saying he was at a rehearsal, thinking about my script, and including some fabulous notes....and that he thinks it's good. OMG yes he was thinking about my script and calling with unsolicited criticism that is totally welcome. And yes it took some boot-shaking, voice cracking! I bet there’s more of that in store as I move forward on this.

Today's Sunrise with a Green Flash

2010-07-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

Today's Sunrise-Not Over the Sumptuous surf at Surfriders Beach

2010-07-08T08:17:00.000-07:00

When we dare to fully dance our individual steps in the overall design of existence, we enliven the universe. …Michael Bernard Beckwith
6:14 Starbucks Cross Creek Total sunrise-not as the morning marine layer persists. Happy to my great green ’02 Saturn. 150,000 miles! Odometer turned at Big Rock on PCH as “Make Me Stronger” played. Thank you Saturn for delivering me safely where I need to go. Thank You God for this fabulous gift. Couldn’t have asked for better. The perfect vehicle to bring me right where I am to be.

Today's Sunrise-Not over a Lifeguard Station in Malibu

2010-07-07T09:27:00.000-07:00

It may be that those who do most, dream most. …Stephen Leacock,
6:15 AM Starbucks Cross Creek ” Why am I not writing?” she writes. Why am I not writing movies? Don’t got one to write. Aye aye aye. This arises on thought of friend coming to stay next week. Today’s is a Sunrise-NOT. It rains. Surfs up and many turned out to surf it. Mountains outside are completely obscured, out-picturing this writing career. Can’t see past movie #1. Don’t suppose it works that way.

Today's Sunrise-Not This Rare Rainy Day in Malibu

2010-07-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. … Epictetus
6:16 Starbucks Cross Creek

‘Tis r-a-i-n–i-n-g. Looks like there’d been a downpour even. Thought I didn’t leave early enough to avoid the sprinkler sprinkling the nice clean Saturn but then noticed all the cars around me were also thoroughly sprinkled…and the church parking lot and Maple street and and and…

Today's Sunrise in a Wisp of Fog over Malibu

2010-07-02T08:39:00.000-07:00

No one ever did anything worth doing unless he was prepared to go on with it long after it becomes something of a bore. ….Douglas Steere
Starbucks Cross Creek Free wi-fi day. Ahhhh. The sun shines bright for the first time in a month - Alleluia! Gonna be shinin’ real bright in a new hours when I reach Joshua Tree in the high desert. For 48 hours of getting to know my own heart. Letting the veils fall away. So, the movie is based on a true fantasy. I think I'll re-write the log line: When a perfectly normal hyper-busy super-Mom gets a wake-up call from a handsome TV alien, he messes with her multi-tasking and re-arranges her reality. That’s my goal this week end. Does one set goals for the heart? Ego does! And it’s OK because what I’m asking for is heart essence to shine through it – just as the glorious sun seeped through the few thin clouds. Yes, soul sparkle, that’s all the log line needs. And I bet that’s to be found in my heart. Like bits of inspiration seen over there – in the periphery.

Today's Sunrise-Not Over the Mountains Barely Visible in Malibu

2010-07-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

Work with the creative people collaboratively. If you find the story you're telling isn't the one they're telling -- get off the train. But before that ever happens, talk with everybody -- get things out in the open. … Joan Tewkesbury
6:11 Starbucks Cross Creek Sunrise-NOT. Mountains swallowed by fog. No rain today. Quiet but for thedisco music – “Expressway To Your Love,” “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now” we're on the move, we got the groove…

Ta da.....the sun emerges for the first time in 2 days, right in my own front yard in Santa Monica.

Today's Sunrise Pops Through the Marine Layer at Point Dume in Malibu

2010-06-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

Today a new sun rises for me, everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of passion, everything invites me to cherish it. …Anonymous

Starbucks Trancas On the deck. Daryl’s here. Sunrise-not – had the whole of Point Dume to myself. Looked back at last year’s sunrises and the year before that. Not nearly as much June gloom. But stop. I’m rather enjoying the June gloom this year. An outpicturing of this phase of the journey.

Today's Sunrise Emerging from the Marine Layer in Santa Monica

2010-06-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

Most of us have never allowed ourselves to want what we truly want because we can’t see how it’s going to manifest…Jack Canfield
6:11 Starbucks ~~Malibu Colony~~ aye aye aye Cross Creek. Unconscious. Pay attention! Excellent Verona coffee is a great place to start. This is my work. What, it’s not hard enough? And the pay sucks. Thank You God for this pay-sucking work.
Q: May I please have a raise?
A: Breathe. That should be pay enough
Of course it is & may I please have a raise?
Umm I have nothing to say. And maybe that’s OK. I have not much to DO. And maybe that’s OK too. I have a crystal clean slate. Ready willing and open – sometimes. Most times. If not immediately, eventually.

Today's Sunrise-Not as a Thick Marine Layer Blankets the Malibu Mountains

2010-06-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

I have worried about a great many things in my life. And a few of them actually happened. …Mark Twain
June 22 Starbucks Cross Creek 6:05 Tuesday Coffee’s great. Egrets shift around in the trees. Almost mis-identified Cross Creek as Malibu Colony – again. It’s not that hard. Listen, the judge enters. Was about to “spill” on the bad girl who plays too much Spider Solitaire, watches too much Greys Anatomy, even House is getting tiresome. Interspersed with “Through the Wormhole” and Stephen Hawkings on Science Channel. Love when it looks at the awe and wonder of the Universe, not so much the fear mongering about the dangerous universe and its monstrous meteorites and black holes….We’re Watching! As IF… People! Life is dangerous – it is always fatal! 100% mortality rate! OK so that’s what this is about? That I make the whole thing up. Yeah, stuff happens and then I script it to make life more digestible. OK and this is neither idiot nor genius, it’s just human doing its human thing.
Sunrise-not. I think I’m falling in love with sunrise-not. Maybe I’ll just fall in love with life, exactly as it is, including it’s really scary monstrous meteorites – a perfect metaphor for the unknown and unpredictable.

Today's Summer Solstice Sunrise-not Over the Malibu Pier

2010-06-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

You create your own Universe as you go along …Winston Churchhill
5:59 Starbucks Malibu Colony
Get skinny. Having just stocked up at Trader Joe’s yesterday – of not-skinny foods. Start with minus chocolate, minus dessert. Having just procured a lemon cake at Trader Joe’s. OK this befits a sunrise-not with the Coolant light coming on again. And it is Monday. It’s all blessed. So what if I’m scared for my future? God’s right here anyway. And the pier is so peaceful this morning. And it is Monday.

Today's Sunrise First Glimmer Over the Mountains in Malibu

2010-06-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

I want to write books that unlock the traffic jam in everybody's head…John Updike
6:20 on 6/20 in Malibu at Starbucks on Cross Creek. My heart throbs today. The first full bright sunrise all month. Too bright. Solstice? Tomorrow 4:28 AM. Took the first shot at 5:41 in Santa Monica. Thought the mountains were a cloud bank so decided to come to Malibu which I love to do anyway and so came even after I realized those clouds were actually the mountains. A perfect drive on a perfect day. No Katherine Keener today but Frank’s here. Doesn’t feel like a Sunday. Choir singing on Saturday will do that. Plus the announcement of a choir concert on October 15 that no one had yet heard about. SAVE THE DATE the poster blares from the Great Hall of Agape. OK good, half-page not writing about w-a-i-t-i-n-g for an e-mail. Could fill a half page with speculations about where he is as why he hasn’t yet responded to my wit….but I’d rather right something about w-a-i-t-i-n-g in surrender to Divine Will. Which I’m about as good at as w-a-i-t-i-n-g for the sunrise. Switching target venues when it ain’t up yet. Always meaning to bring the sun’s light into my heart, only occasionally remembering that I mean to do that. Practice. Maybe I’ll remember after I meet him once he answers his e-mail…practice. I’ve just about rehearsed those meeting scenarios enough. Practiced.

Today's Sunrise-NOT from the Bluffs of Majestic Point Dume in Malibu

2010-06-18T08:36:00.000-07:00

Whatever thought has done in your life can be undone with a shift in your awareness. …Michael Bernard Beckwith

6:21 Starbucks Trancas Ahh the peace of Point Dume prevails even in the sunrise-NOT. Had the place all to myself. Sun seems to be nestled in the clouds for the day. I doubt it. There’ll be a showing soon enough. Or later.

Today's Sunrise Pushes Against the Marine Layer in Malibu

2010-06-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

It is God's play of light and shadow that has made certain creation appear as it does to us. When you realize this, you see it as a dream motion picture…Paramahansa Yogananda
June 17 Thursday 139.0 6:13 Starbucks Cross Creek
Ah mountains show through as the marine layer thins. Had a fever yesterday. Reverend Michael spoke about “fever” coming to him as he drove in yesterday. “What’s with that?” he asked. “You’ll see” the not-so-still small voice said. Right about when I was having my own little 99.5. Then the coolant light came on in the Saturn – again. So what’s heating up? “How to Find the Soul (Using Your Dirty Mind)”? Yesss.

Today's Sunrise in Malibu Is a GO

2010-06-16T07:57:00.000-07:00

The only real valuable thing is intuition …Albert Einstein
Note the green traffic light at the bottom center of this one. Starbucks Malibu Colony 6:06 GRAAAYY. Until it isn’t. Mmm, coffee good. Want to scramble through my purse. Looking for something to do, looking for something to be. A writer. Not gonna find that in my purse. THINKING paycheck. And how crazy it seems to have somehow come to believe the dream of screenwriting doesn’t allow for a day job. And now it’s too late! Can’t turn back now. Waiting for a miracle. Trusting that my needs are already met. But I’m pretty sure "doing the work" doesn’t include Spider Solitaire and Greys Anatomy. I write this again and again as if confessing but that doesn’t do it either. Here’s the deal – that I want to create a miracle. That anything less than a miracle like John deLancie falling in love, not with me, but my MOVIE, doesn’t count. Like even my sunrises taking off as in “Blink.” That it will be, not me, but my belief in dreams coming true that sparks others to follow their dreams – oh and by the way such sparking makes me rich. And so what if it’s not? I’m smiling. Because the palm trees out this window are still so beautiful even against the gray cast sky. This coffee is really really good. What I really want to write is this idea that I may live with the little me, all the while expanding to see the greater creation that surrounds me. Ever-expanding consciousness to get the miracle that it all is. Not to KNOW it all but just to glimpse its magnificence. To get the WOW of life, the miracle of each and every moment. That there’s so much more than worrying and worrying where my next peanut butter and jelly sandwich will come from That there’s so much more than Spider Solitaire and Greys Anatomy. And so much less.

Today's Sunrise-Not in Malibu Outpictures a Foggy Mind

2010-06-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom …Anais Nin
5:56 Starbucks Cross Creek. Sunrise-not-yet. The solstice is upon us. Waiting for God’s light to burst upon us. Waiting for waiting for waiting for. What am I to learn? Patience? I think I got that one down. What am I to heal? My mind, having to see safety every moment. Having to do it right. What am I to DO? LISTEN. Wow that was quick. I LISTEN. I surrender. Please give me a sign today so I may get started. COMPLETE THIS WORK IN ME.

Today's Sunrise over the Surf from the Malibu Pier.

2010-06-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

Dream lofty dreams. In moments of meditation, when you get lost in the joy of what you long to be, you are ascending to the heavens of your own mind...Joseph Murphy
6:20 Starbucks Cross Creek Stumped over Malibu Pier’s posted sunrise time of 5:43 when it’s “supposed to be” 5:41. Farther north should be earlier not later this side of the solstice. But then there’s the east/west time zone thing to account for. Could just have been a mistake. Don’t figure it out. Makes me tired. Coffee’s good. No mountains where the mountains should be. And here I thought emergence might be imminent moments ago. So much for THINKING.
Another week of Spider Solitaire please NOT. Seeing Mom on the fringes. Not yet resurrected, ghostly, frail. I hesitate to try to connect not wanting to hold her back as I once felt guided NOT to with Dad. What if – God says it’s OK to do Spider Solitaire. Sounds like an ego message to me. The still same voice inside. And when I turn in I must know its sound and thank it for the sentiment, for that gentle safe, cushy life ego would lay out for me. But not yet. I got something bigger to do than that. Now will I ever find the courage to do it? Mmm this coffee is good.

Today's Mist-ical Sunrise Over Fishermen on the Malibu Pier

2010-06-13T08:19:00.000-07:00

God, the Universe, is your source of all happiness, all your joy, all wisdom and all your prosperity. God is the source of every good and perfect thing, and you are called to tap into the source when you are temporarily hypnotized into thinking that something outside of you holds the answer. No one else is holding the key to your happiness…Michael Bernard Beckwith
6:16 Starbucks Malibu Colony Staring out the window…solid sunrise-not so far. In the right seat at the right Starbucks with bagpipe jazz playing, synthesizer. Perfect.
My w-a-i-t-i-n-g can’t be right. Spirit knows and Spirit shows. No there isn’t this big Director in the sky checking the sweep hand of a clock to give me the sign. No it’s just here in what IS. Like this sun-friend of mine, veiled by a sheet of mist, shines bright in its is-ness. If only I could get an e-mail out and RELEASE IT. Instead of locking on it like a guided missile trying to get it to its target. OK. TODAY I seek the both/and here. The message I may e-out to both step towards the dream and release it. See the sadness attached to the thought of release. Releasing the child’s love of the adoring father? The love that so let me down. The love that had to let me down so I could grow!

Today's Sunrise-Not Hangs Its Blue Veil Over the Mountains in Malibu

2010-06-12T08:28:00.000-07:00

We can't stand the silence because silence includes thinking. And if we thought, we would have to face ourselves…Agnes DeMille
6:37 Starbucks Cross Creek Sunrise not. Marine layer….could bust through though it doesn’t look imminent. I hope, because I’m at the wrong Starbucks for the east view. Went to the “right” Starbucks at Malibu Colony but it appears they’ve slept in this morning. I know it IS early. Ya-duh.
What? Hearing me voice things last night from the old days….racketing how I didn’t want to have to tell people what I wanted for my birthday all the time. What! Truth is I wasn’t (and apparently am not yet) open to receive gifts - others’ ideas of what to get for me wasn’t “right”. I saw “not enough” then….maybe because I apparently wasn’t enough when first one then another sister came along. Ya-duh. All this is written to see and let go – to CATCH AND RELEASE. Ah, 2 egrets fly away side-by-side – CATCH AND RELEASE. Good time for a reminder that I may have chosen these life lessons. Also that that 1-1/2 year old rug rat may have been wrong about some things. And right in the wrongness that brought the lesson– CATCH AND RELEASE. OK now I seek outside approval of all this. Which is really not the same as RELEASE – but rather more like a hand-off – or no, more like CATCH and put in the fish bowl. Note how those fishies can die in that polluted water. OK RELEASE. OK so no more words on this please. How about creating a ritual for CATCH AND RELEASE – a deliberate fantasy?
Hm, hearing from Harry Potter – to Dis-aparate, use the 3-D’s : Destination Determination Deliberation… OK Destination: RELEASE – Clearing. Seems to me I had a load of dreams last night that may help me with this.

Today's Sunrise Punctures the Marine Layer at the Malibu Pier

2010-06-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

A person starts to live when he can live outside himself…Albert Einstein
6:26 PCH W-a-i-t-i-n-g.
6:45 Starbucks Malibu Colony Mission accomplished. Got some wonderful emergence shots. Just when I was about to pull out the journal to write complaining that it might not show up after all…bingo. And now we’re back in solid marine layer that is quite dark in places. And the coffee is quite good. OK now how do I get past fascination with synchronicity and….STOP. That’s not question I wish to answer: How to quit fantasy and get this nose to the grind stone – grounding! No wonder there’s resistance. Let’s see….ground on the grind stone or play in fantasy, grind or plan, play or grind….Truth is though I’d enjoy a little grinding. Maybe not. New new, what I seek is new, not some tweeked version of what has already been.

Today's Sunrise Through the Palm Trees in Santa Monica

2010-06-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

What you see as stagnation is gestation…You have to yield up things so the gift that wants to come through you can emerge. …Michael Bernard Beckwith
6:20 Starbucks Cross Creek
Ow. Neck. Can’t blame Mom this time. Ah, chair massage. That’s it. Was so surprised to see Dyan back from her horror movie gig with Robert Englund. Yes she gets killed of course. What else would her role be? His girlfriend? Wow it is solid out there today. Mountains veiled, not totally swallowed. Stopped for the sunrise-not at Marine and 4th in Santa Monica but pressed on to the Malibu Pier, for a more interesting sunrise-not. Checked Ashland and Highland first but didn’t see the shot I thought might be there. Finally got the sun-having-risen upon returning to Santa Monica.
Today's a day for grounding. Grounding dreams. Grounding plans. Consolidating plans and dreams. Aligning all with the Divine energies that surround me. The Divine energies that created all this in the first place. Seeing that God truly is our only Source. God IS my shepherd.

Today's Sunrise-Not Over the Newly Decorated Life Guard Stand and the Malibu Pier

2010-06-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hope only makes sense when it doesn’t make sense to be hopeful. This is your century. Take it and run as if your life depends on it. …From commencement address by Paul Hawken
6:14 Starbucks Cross Creek Wow, I’m in Malibu. Just hit me all of a sudden. Paradise. Misty paradise but paradise nonetheless. It’s cool in here yet personally I’m starting to sweat. Guess this shirt is too warm after all. OK Transition. Not interesting. Not higher ground. Mundane and human. No music yet. Lots of early surfers. Aye aye aye, a woman came in saying “It’s so quiet in here…” and has been running her mouth non-stop ever since. Lots of egret activity in the trees outside. Ah, she’s gone. Quiet resumes. Just me and the baristas, one of whom says “Turn the music on.” Sunrise is so early. About as early as it’s going to get, which is 5:40AM on Saturday.
...Today's sun-having-risen is now posted on www.sunrisesunrise.com.

Today's Sunrise Exudes a Mist at the Malibu Pier

2010-06-08T07:59:00.000-07:00

The dream, to be valid, must be impossible. Not just difficult. Impossible. Which implies an ideal never attainable but nevertheless stubbornly to be pursued. A striving for what cannot be achieved but still is worth the effort. …Dale Wasserman
5:56 Starbucks Cross Creek It’s cold in here. Wish I had my warmer parka on.
Heavy heavy marine layer obscures the mountains and exudes a mist.
Good morning, editor. Yes I know you would have me say it right. But perhaps right now I just need to say, to write it. From the heart. From my heart. Very quiet here. Very early. Give me shelter. If only I had permanent shelter, I’d need not worry. I need not worry. That’s just something to do to fill time. Like Spider Solitaire. I need not worry that God is my source. All I need is right here.

Today's Sunrise-Not... Lost in a Marine Layer in Santa Monica

2010-06-04T08:11:00.000-07:00

The beautiful thing about the law of attraction is you can begin where you are. ...Michael Bernard Beckwith
6:04 Starbuck’s Hill Street – Crossing the great divide – been practicing for 14 years. Now to just BE it. The day started with 2 warnings. First I set off the car alarm as I juggled keys and camera, journal and walking shoes for the trip to Joshua Tree for the weekend retreat. Then as I prayed thanking the Saturn for making the trip, knowing and affirming I want to make it with the Saturn and not a rental car – right then the coolant light came on, letting me know its needs. OK there’s plenty of time for a quick trip to Caesar at More Joy and ‘fess up about mixing motor oils – on accident.
Uh uh – not how this week end is going down. Not a log of what I’m doing wrong but a celebration of what IS. Crazy as it sounds, silly as it may be, this is a great gift and it’s been and continues to be a wonderful, wonder-filled, life. Thank you Saturn for your part in it.
OK yes the fantasy is more than an audience, it affirms my place at the center of the universe. An illusion. A delusion. And all perfectly human.
Oh boy, now the bathroom won’t open even thought the 14789 code (which is L-shaped for “loser on the key pad) flashed green and then failed to open the door. So, no, there is no secret code – only Divine Spirit opens the doors.
See the divide – the fear that all these are dire warnings or worse, that giving any meaning at all to the random events of life is just plain crazy and this house of cards I’ve created will surely….yadda. When the truth is – all such meanings are made up and just as true as anything. If dreams come true, then nightmares can too. It’s all just air – just “energy. But air, after all, sustains us. We couldn’t live without it.
…she writes to the air.
Yes that’s what I especially like about the movie, the one I wrote – my movie – the twist from “crazy” Josie to revealing everyone’s fantasy of themselves and the ultimate showdown of Josie and Lance and their fantasy visions – is well maybe not perfect yet – but really quite wonderful. Hm, flash an ending with the yard full of the people and the phantom fantasy figures. Whatever, I love the bit of the ambiguous Lance/X ending.
Anyway, the thing I want to ground right now is I wrote it. Yes I had a fantasy and yes I DID DO something with it. That may or may not get me the fantasy Academy Award but it will surely get me what Divine Spirit intended. See this universal energy flowing for the universal good – and surf it! No idea how to do that. Have to fall off the board in the learning. But wait – this intention setting is not Divine Spirit’s part – it is mine – ours. To surf we need first get the board and then get in the water, try and fail and try and surf and come back on shore, go home and start all over again

Today's Sunrise-Not over my Little Green Saturn

2010-06-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. …Albert Einstein
5:53 Starbucks – Hill Street, Santa Monica – Marine Layer sunrise-not.
What was that dream? Whatever it was, I didn’t like it. But so many dreams I don’t like when I wake up, reveal interesting things when examined in the light of day. Which is coming forth right now. Marine layer, shmarine layer.
What can I create for my life? What intention shall I bring to the retreat this week end? Wait, my attitude is that creating an intention is hoping for an outcome and that the point of this work is to stay OPEN, not attached. Sounds like the dream attitude. Not liking it when I’m in it, seeing God’s message there only AFTER – in hindsight.

Like the shot I took this morning of the sunrise-not in the rear view mirror.
Maybe the whole point of life is to see the both/and instead of the either/or. To see life’s wholeness, the perfection in its is-ness. FIP (fantasy in progress) trying to explain the un-explainable. It’s good, it’s bad, it’s black, no, it’s white. All fades to gray or is that silver?
OK somewhere in here, right in the murky waters…not to embrace anxiety but to see anxiety for what it is – one fleeting feeling among many possibilities. No more, no less solid nor fleeting than joy or sorrow, confusion or clarity. Life is right here at the last drop of a second cuppa coffee. No sun shine – yet. It’s coming, I’m sure. Thank You God for these murky thoughts in Santa Monica on a perfect Thursday June 3, 2010 at 6:40.

Today's Sunrise Emergence Momentarily Over Albertson's

2010-06-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

When we dare to fully dance our individual steps in the overall design of existence, we enliven the universe. …Michael Bernard Beckwith
6:25 Starbucks Cross Creek
Sunrise-NOT captured from the Malibu Pier. Then this brief glimpse from Albertson's parking lot in Santa Monica.
Woke to the most wonderful image of Mom’s place – a composite of the living room from Apt. 153 at Norwood Crossing, with its great view, the kitchen from D305 at Resurrection Retirement Center, and the bedroom at 5329 Ludlam with the hallway down to Dad’s room though it’s not clear if he’s there yet or not. It’s all bright, sunny and airy with no walls as we know them. Not stuck in any one location. Not of this Earth. Though food is no longer needed, that kitchen provides nurturance. The living room a space from which to gaze and wonder and receive visitors. The bedroom a place for dreams. Welcome home, Mom.

Today's Sunrise-Not at Point Dume

2010-06-01T11:15:00.000-07:00

It may be that those who do most, dream most. …Stephen Leacock
Simply not yet manifested. A friend sent this wonderful passage by Ernest Holmes, On Letting Go -

She let go.
Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.
She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.
Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.
She didn’t read a book on how to let go.
She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word.
She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.
There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her.

And the sun and the moon shone forevermore. ...Ernest Holmes

...and so the sun emerged in my own front yard.

Today's Really Early Sunrise over the Malibu Pier

2010-05-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

Always dream and shoot higher than you know how to. Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. …William Faulkner
6:27 Starbucks Cross Creek
Oh my. Early. How can this never cease to amaze me just how early sunrise can get? And almost too bright to capture at that. Why am I where am I? Standing on this planet, sitting actually, along for this ride it seems.
The life that is is magnificent. The life that is is wonderful. The life that is is divine. Thank You God for the life that is.

Today's Sunrise Proclaims Its Presence at Point Dume in Malibu

2010-05-28T09:30:00.000-07:00

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be. …Shel Silverstein
Today it feels good to know Mom is not in Chicago suffering / failing / in danger. Knowing she is released from the cage of that aged body that had served her so long so well.
So thank you Mom, thank You God for passing on such healthy genes to me. Now what may I do with this promise of longevity? There is no guarantee but what If I am headed for 93? What may I do with those 30 years. Morning pages @ 5/year = 150 more journals? I think I’d be pleased to capture 365 x 30 = 10,950 more sunrises. That would not be wasted time. No it just takes one special event to make all 11,000 days appear worthwhile in the judgment of some. Never the judgment of all.
So what’s for supper?

Today's Sunrise Drizzles over Magestic Point Dume

2010-05-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

No one ever did anything worth doing unless he was prepared to go on with it long after it becomes something of a bore. ….Douglas Steere
6:29 Starbucks Trancas
Raining. Well, drizzling really. Oh my I’m so tired this morning. Well yeah after late choir rehearsal last night. A fabulously energetic and late one closing with Tim’s “Stepped In the Water / Wade In the Water.” I’m thrilled to get to perform it Sunday. Was afraid I’d missed my chance at the Revelation Conference I didn’t attend since I’d missed all its rehearsals. I’m baaccckkk.
Subtle-y glowing sunrise-not at Point Dume. I’d just thought about not seeing a dolphin in ages when one appeared. Just one, not a pod, arching gracefully in the “wrong direction.” Trying to find his buds? Though it rained there too, I didn’t get wet.

May 4, 2010 Sunrise For Mother's Transition

2010-05-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

There are some things that never, ever leave us....A mother's love is one of them.
My beloved Mother, Eleanor DeMille, died this day at 6PM. My dear sisters, my children and I were all there to see her so gracefully waltz away with Dad to the other side of the veil.
Thank You, Mom, Thank You.
For staying home and being found most times in the kitchen–doing Your Work. Thank You Mom
For keeping a pretty garden. Thank You Mom
For nicely browned pot roasts and crispy roasted chicken. thank You Mom.
For filling a barrel full of green apples from our tree and making apple thins and applesauce. Thank You Mom
For watching TV a lot and not bothering me about much except smoking. Thank You Mom.
For marrying the man of your dreams and so letting me know such a thing exists. Thank You Mom.
For not walking me to school. Thank You Mom.
For giving me Dad’s car after he passed. Thank You Mom.
For making clothes for me to match Donna’s. Thank You Mom.
For loving my children so. Thank You Mom.
For supporting me when it really really counted. Thank You Mom.
For being my Mom…...Thank You Mom.

Today's Sunrise- Blinded by the Light in Malibu

2010-05-26T08:42:00.000-07:00

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. …Marianne Williamson
6:23 Starbucks Cross Creek.
A beautiful day. Sun shines bright. Coffee’s good. Leaf blower blows very few leaves around the parking lot. OK, come within. To the peaceful place. Watched the sun light up the mountain from PCH. Took it in fully as it revealed itself too bright to gaze upon directly for long. Our good old sun. One of millions in our galaxy, just one of billions in the Universe. Our source of light and our source of life.
Been transcribing the morning pages from the time of Mom’s transition. Found the brief Thank You Mom litany there. Going to post it with the magnificent sunrise from May 4, the day Mom died. The one that called her so peacefully to the other side of the veil.
OK so what’s the answer? Do I contact John deLancie about the movie -and how? That Q again. Am I to just wake up one morning and let that one go? Is that the next step in consciousness for me? I suspect not. THINK I may have all the call from God I’m ever gonna get. Now it’s up to me to ground this dream. To face the truth whatever that is – face the NO, face the YES. Grant myself a YES either way, a both/and. How how how?
Oh how I hear the answer given to me so long ago. That I may only have what I really really really want when I no longer want it. When I release the desire….sigh.
Hm, free floating joy floats on over me. I am so grateful, so very thankful, for this conundrum, this predicament, this Q to wrestle to the ground. This sense that no matter how stupid it sounds, what an idiot I may be for THINKING these thoughts, this is exactly what I am meant to be, where I am meant to be it. Right here, right now: ¾ cuppa coffee, money slipping away, having so recently released a dearly beloved and beautiful Mom…wondering for the thousandth time what to do about John deLancie. As if there’s really anything I could ever DO about a John deLancie or whatever dreams I may conjure up. Except honor that it is just that – MY dream. My pull to destiny, the path I am to follow while puttering around on this side of the veil.

Today's Sunrise Over the Bluffs of Point Dume

2010-05-25T08:49:00.000-07:00

There are only two ways to live your life. One as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. …. Albert Einstein
6:23 Starbucks Trancas Three weeks since Mom passed. It’s been Time out of Time. Coming back to earth. Slow glowing sun rose this day over the tops of the bluffs at Point Dume. Suppose it might appear earlier from the top of Point Dume itself but I’d have to get up there to find out.
Brian, my Schwab advisor, called to ask if I wanted help with asset allocation. That I was positioned a little aggressively if I would be needing the money soon. And that’s the truth. I’ve been staying invested in the market for the opportunity for reward – but there’s also its shadow – the risk of negative return – not to be ignored. When we might need the money to be there, advice is to reposition more securely, with less potential for return. Thank you, Brian. Didn’t want to hear that and I need to hear that. Need to do something about expenses. Rent. OK. the day after Memorial Day, a decision is to be….friend Jan interruptus. OK Divine Spirit – a creative solution is called for. Not the same old musings from this seat from this MIND that want to figure it out. CAUGHT! Rick came by and said “You got things goin’ already this morning – you’re thinking!” So yes thank You Spirit for letting me hear that I am seen. I am so not alone. Boy I’m glad I came here. Jan had just said how they think of me when they see the sun rise. That’s my very favorite thing about this crazy life of mine. When people say that very thing – that I’m thought of when they see the sun rise.
OK then let’s set an intention for Memorial Day. Oh oh – for me myself and God. Um but it really works better with others involved. No it doesn’t. Yes it does. No it doesn’t. Yes it does and no it doesn’t. Open, open, open. This is IT. The golden opportunity to make my dream come true. Only I can declare it so.

Today's Sunrise Over a Pounding Surf

2010-05-24T08:41:00.000-07:00

If one is lucky, a solitary fantasy can totally transform one million realities. …Maya Angelou
6:35 Starbucks Cross Creek Mmmm coffee in a real cup is soo good. Lady behind said I’m so elegant. No wonder I love this place.
I went first to Marine at 4th in Santa Monica for the sunrise. Colors were vibrant on the wide marine layer so I headed up to Malibu for emergence and w-a-i-t-e-d. The story of my life. I’m waiting my life away.
Good thing Jess posted on Facebook that last night was the “Lost” series ender or I’d have missed it. Well, missed recording it anyway. I fell asleep at 10 so have a good 1-1/2 hours to watch.They did a great job on the acknowledgement and re-cap show from 7-9. Coffee’s still good.

Today's Sunrise Over a High Surf Advisory

2010-05-23T12:29:00.000-07:00

Success is living your life actualized. Being who you are created to be. Being fully engaged in what you know is your purpose. …Stephen Hultquist

Caught the sunrise-not over Point Dume then headed down to the Malibu Pier for this sun-having-risen, amazingly bright. 6:40 Starbucks - Malibu Colony - Maybe I should write the blog in the moment. Not ahead over coffee but yet derived from coffee writing. Maybe read it then write it and then carry that forward to a new movie – in the Seinfeld-ian tradition – based on nothing. Ooo looked up to see smoke unfurling – from an invisible cigarette in an invisible hand. Use the invisible hand – Let the invisible hand guide the writing.
Long been aware of the inner twisty feeling of transcribing and editing. Give it up. There’s nothing sacred here. Let go. I might just accidentally be brilliant. But like the sunrise you sometimes have to wait for it. And you sometimes have to tone it down. And know that it’s there even when eyes show otherwise. It always leaves its trace.

Today's Sunrises Triumphant from the Malibu Pier

2010-05-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

You’re going to be haunted by all the dreams you didn’t try. …Michael Bernard Beckwith
Starbucks Cross Creek 6:32 Having stopped at Malibu Colony but they’re closed ‘til 7 for maintenance. Way bright sunrise. And it’s chilly in here. How did I get there 20 minutes early? Drove fast I guess. Way long pumping truck goes by. Yeah they do that on Saturday I guess.
Went to the Pier. PCH was all parked up with surfers. Just a couple of fishermen. Oh my there’s another pumper, half the size of the first one. Oh God I’m so tired of waiting. And I have to pee so maybe this won’t be so interesting – as it usually is. Editor’s up and running though.
Change. That’s all it takes is just a little change. Watched 4 hours of Grey’s Anatomy, well 4x40=160 minutes, 2-2/3 hours without commercials – including the season finale. Oh my, whole lotta shootin’ goin’ on. Mercifully spared us the will-Derek-live-or-die cliff hanger. Killed off 2 minor characters. It was exciting to a point – the point where it got implausible that the shooter would so successfully evade the SWAT teams. Even after they shot him, he totally got away and ultimately killed himself.

Today's Sunrise Over Bruce Willis' House

2010-05-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

Thoughts are not arrows shot indiscriminately into the air; they are boomerangs. …Richard Paul Evans
Starbucks Cross Creek 6:38 Jeez almost an hour since sunrise. Got to Point Dume on time for the sunrise-not and then a bitty splash of color. So I headed back to the Malibu pier hoping to catch emergence along the way and alleluia. I got my very favorite wave of golden shadow pouring over the mountain – a shot I like to call “Sunrise Over Bruce Willis’ House.” It’s a summer solstice/marine layer phenomenon that we’re seeing for the first time this year.

Today's Sunrise Blasts Over the Mountains in Malibu

2010-05-20T09:18:00.000-07:00

Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable. ...Wendy Wasserstein

Got the not-so-great sunrise over Bruce Willis’ house. It’s full out brightness overwhelms the camera even with adjusted settings. I know better. This time of year, when the sunrise is at its earliest, I need to get up even 10 minutes earlier to make the trek to Point Dume where it can be captured nearer the horizon, less overwhelming. Not that I set an alarm clock. I’m always awake and truth is that hour or so before I get up is the very worst time of day for me. Nothing’s right. Nothing’s possible….perhaps tomorrow I’ll just skip that.

Veiled Sunrise in Malibu

2010-05-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

The best is yet to be. … Robert Browning

Having returned from a solid sunrise-not at Point Dume, today's glorious sun rises behind a veil of fog in Malibu while a sea gull waits patiently for its showing. We know it's there even when it does this. Went on to Starbucks to hug Daryl who I hadn't seen for a month. The visit took the space of writing morning pages. Gave that space to being - then and writing now. It's all good.

Sunrise-Not Envelops the Malibu Pier

2010-05-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

5:59 Starbucks Cross Creek, Malibu Home again. Life does go on.
Pulled the first pages of my movie from the outside pocket of my portfolio and this makes me happy. It’s a gray rainy day and I’m happy. My Mother has waltzed to the other side of the veil and I am happy.

Today's Sunrise Crests the Mountain over Malibu

2010-04-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

Follow your bliss and the Universe will open doors for you where there were only walls. …Joseph Campbell
Wednesday 6:11 Pacific Coast Highway Waiting in the car for the 6:15 sunrise that won’t crest the mountain until about 6:30. It’s c-c-cold this morning…in the 40’s. A guy crouches on Surfriders' Beach. I thought he was praying Muslim-style but see he’s down there with a camera, shooting over or on top of a log. Hey it’s getting warm in here. Doesn’t feel right writing before the sun has risen. So don’t.
6:49 Starbucks Cross Creek Whoa it’s cold here too. Air conditioning? Why? Got a zucchini walnut muffin – too good. Sister Donna’s e-mail report on her visit with Mom last night was not good. Mom was soo tired and fazing in and out of the favorite Scrabble game. One moment unable to grasp the tile, the next making a triple word score. I pray that Dad comes to waltz her away when Spirit’s ready. I know he will. Love you Dad.

Today's Sepia Tone Sunrise

2010-04-20T08:44:00.000-07:00

I have so many demons and voices telling what a fraud I am and how my meager talent will be uncovered. Scripts have to be pried from my cold, dead hands before I let anyone read them. …Scott Frank
6:50 Starbucks Malibu Colony Waited for sunrise on PCH at the Malibu Pier with a surfer beached by a cold. He surfs most days on his way to work building things. Been surfing here at Surfriders’ Beach since he was 10, more than a few years ago. Seems to know about everybody. The sun was so bright it went to sepia tone with just a few wisps of clouds that have now multiplied to a full overcast. National Volunteer Week brings a recognition breakfast today at Wise Healthy Aging where I volunteer weekly with their Alzheimers’ Group. Requesting prayers of support for Mom in her physical therapy seeking to embrace whatever strength is left for her in this home stretch of her 92-1/2 year journey. I love you, Mom.

Today's Sunrise Through the Weeds on PCH

2010-04-19T09:41:00.000-07:00

6:54 Starbucks Cross Creek
Waited 20 minutes for the sun to crest the mountain. Me, the pigeons and the porta-potty cleaner that had me move north a bit. No clouds for diffusion. Just a straight up, in-your-face, full luminosity, total wattage sunrise. No matter its descriptors, the day begins. Then on to the grande Gold Coast bold at Starbucks. Frank’s here, Kousha’s here, Dick VanDyke isn’t. And I’m here at my 2nd favorite window seat. Day feels right now that I’m writing. It’s OK to write morning pages in the afternoon once in a while, like yesterday. But morning pages in the morning definitely feels better.

Sunrise Over Sonia

2010-04-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

9:56 my own front yard….Late start-NOT. Full morning – Went to sunrise with my friend Sonia Jackson arriving at Point Dume early, 6AM. So we climbed down the scary steps to the beach where the surf was breaking big and beautiful. Then hiked up to the top of Point Dume itself for seal viewing – trying to distinguish them from the rocks from which their barks bellowed - then down around Point Dume to take in all the bounty of bunnies and lush foliage, meeting another friend, Patricia Hill, along the way. Then on to Starbucks for a visit with Daryl Dupre, whose smile is there most mornings. And it’s only 10 AM and my heart is full …so on to Agape International Spiritual Center to let some of that spill over. Life is good.

Saturday April 17, 2010

2010-04-17T13:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday 6:54 Starbucks Cross Creek - Bright, bright sunrise from the Malibu Pier. Gulls soared and one joyfully splattered the roof of my car. Ewwww. Clean up on Aisle 1! Larry Ellison’s magnificent sailboat was tethered to a buoy off the pier, but the sun rose way North of it now. Having to wait for the sun to clear the mountains these days. Makes for a tough capture as the sun-having-risen is so intense when it crests the mountains. Means I’ll get up just that much earlier to shoot at Point Dume . OK, upliftment time. Higher ground is all around always. All we need do is step up to it. THINKING about the blog. That’s stepping down. Don’t plan, don’t structure and whatever you do, don’t fill up pages with excuses for why it ain’t better.

Sunday April 4, 2010

2010-04-16T13:34:00.000-07:00

Easter Sunday- Dempster Street Evanston Starbucks

6:46AM The sun rose gloriously to the occasion. Magnificent colors.
Worried where am I gonna stay. Well, ask. Don’t lose the wonderful resurrection day in worry. I just wish I’d stayed longer for Mom to be here until Donna returns. OK. Don’t fill the page with worry.
Well this noise is what’s here. Maybe to cover the noisy pair next to me. Look. Got in bed to noisy neighbors last night who moved their conversation inside for me in just a few minutes. OK OK Dreamt John deLancie and it was pleasant. But I’m not catching dreams – wait, I just caught one! So keep writing. ‘Til the joy shows up. The joy shines through. How greatly I’ve been blessed with a family that’s right here for me. And a life of um adventure and wonder.

Friday April 16, 2010

2010-04-16T12:26:00.000-07:00

6:59 Starbucks Trancas

I was sure I was heading for Malibu Colony. Looked up and found myself turning off Heather Cliff onto PCH. OK. So the sun’s bright. Seeing all the THINKING and thinking and thinking...

Coffee’s so sweet. Wanting to set an intention for a movie. Well wanting to write about setting an intention anyways.

I’d rather be here. Watching this cute Brittany Spaniel in the car in front of me. OK so what’s the point of seeing such thoughts and writing them down? Dunno. Was thinking perhaps I’m Gertrude Stein reincarnated. Making the connection that she wrote all through the night and probably never saw a sunrise if she could help it.

But I don’t see why, in the vastness of all creation, one would repeat as a female writer or as a human being? Unless we keep doing what we’re doing until we get it right. In which case, I must be slated for another go-around.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

2010-03-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today's sunrise-not at the Malibu Pier. Seems to be a things-not-working-out day. Correction....not working out as planned. Actually it appears to be brightening. May get a poke-through yet.

ahh, there it is....today's sunrose...just had to wait for it.